shugle

Escrito por Brendam Melkiam el 7 de Agosto de 2009 y categorizado como Gente Seria.

Sometimes I wish for my death to arrive. Those are the moments that i remember the most. Those are the lapsus that remain everlasting in my memory. Those i can never erase, or ever be forgotten. My weakness takes advantage of me. I can´t control it, it splees (slips) you away. I cannot help it, it won t go away. How could i not think about it? Not ever go back, never. Don´t visit those feelings again. It makes you weaker and weaker. Small, just until you´re nothing. Everyone oublies what you are, what you were. Nobody cares. Nobody gives a shit. You can feel whatever you feel but they won´t notice. They do not watch. They observe but they don´t see. They are blind. They only think about themselves. Just like you, you filthy boy. Look at you, always complaining. You´re pathetic, they should get you against the wall, just like you do with them. Who do you think you are? Why could you posibely judge them, without condamning yourself before? Your wine is the bitterness, the joy of being sad. You embrase it. Is that what all of this is about? Or is it that you lost something on your way here? The road can be tough, you see? You can get distracted and let something fall down. Maybe hope. Maybe Love. Perhaps you´ re empty. You lack of will. You cannot easely realize what happened. You oughta dig a lot deeper and search for the answer, a definitive one. You must understand what a hell happened with you… Or perhaps, to you. Either way, it´s important that you take a deep look inside of you, for your mind contains the reminiscence of how you were and what you were. Find that memory and you will make those unpleasant feelings, those hunting wishes, desappear. It´s gonna be difficult. Once you get that review of what and how you were, try to look alike. Try to recover that image, that old being. That´s impossible, you know? Because you haven´t answered the question. You could know how you were, what you were, you could imitate. But you will never ever recover what made you that way, the mind of that old being. So what you must do is find what changed you. Where in your path you lost the trail. Where was it that you get off the road. That´s what you should think about, elaborate some reflexions. Whatever happend with, or to you, is a mistery, an unrevealed truth. Somewhere in the way you lost something, or is it maybe that you earned something? Did it only changed? Maybe you have already understood what most men take all of their lives to get, or, most generally, never get. There isn´t anything to recover. You haven´t lost or gained anything. You just understood. You saw the meaning, the purpose of life. You are there. So, why is it that you don´t want to be?

Abril 2005